Websnark
Written by Eric Burns, Wednesday White
Intermittent

Look, we all know how difficult it is to write expert critical analysis. I should know. I’ve been a member of the Authority for about six years now, and it hasn’t been easy putting up with the day-to-day shit. Lance dominates the espresso machine, filling it with his own foul “Maple Ginger Chai” concoction that stinks up the break room until the afternoon. James has a habit of listening to Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music full-blast as he writes his columns. And fucking Isobel doesn’t give me the time of day after the Halloween party last weekend. So don’t tell me how hard it is to come up with scalpel-sharp insight into bleeding-edge pop culture every couple of months. It’s hard, I get it.

So what’s the deal, Websnark? This once-inveterate webcomics opinion site used to hold sway over an entire internet nation. The MHA staff used to actually giggle with delight over how tight Eric Burns’ webshit was. Have you ever heard Rootberg giggle? It’s fucking nauseating.

Shit, I mean, what the fuck?

Now Websnark is about three things: some Star Wars RPG sourcebook, The Adventures of Sergeant Major Tony Stark, and Gossamer Comics. And those are all things Eric’s involved in. Can you imagine if MHA suddenly got all crazy-incest like that? Andrew Carlssin has been dying to have one of us review his bodice-ripping novella In Majesty’s Shade: The Blighting of the Crowns. But you know, we’re not about to do that. It makes us look like self-promoting jerks. Also I’ve read it, it sucks ball-ass.

Wednesday’s kinda holding down the fort here, I think. Yeah, I’ll say it. I mean, her writing is kinda a little too conversational for my tastes, but everybody’s got a style, I guess. And she lives in Britain or something, that’s respectable. Wednesday, if you’re reading this, I travel to London with my dad sometimes, so if you’re around, let’s like, hook it up or something. You know, like a professional-type deal where two writers meet and discuss the state of the ethos or fuck-all-whatever.

So there it is. I guess these other guys were afraid to say it, but you can count on the Lemon to lock it down. Websnark, you’re on notice or some shit. Get back to reviewing webcomics you didn’t write, and maybe you can dig yourself out before you turn into Entertainment Weekly, or some other American self-congratulatory wastehole.

The Lemon’s watching you.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005 at 10:48 am and is filed under Review. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.