The internet, and the webcomics community especially, is today inundated with crappy reviews and untrustworthy sources. On top of this, webcomic popularity can be a red herring when the sophisticated Modern Humor Authority reader attempts to find a new webcomic of choice. How, then, does an intelligent reader sate his lust for quality? What are the true criteria that he should use when selecting what to honor with his steadfast gaze?
If there is one truth on the internet, it is that most critics are pompous assholes striving to impress readers with superfluous rhetoric. Unless you are this particular type of asshole, I recommend that you, the intelligent reader, stay away from websites such as Comixpedia and Webcomics Examiner. Or if you do visit, prepare to be led astray. You see, these so-called reviewers tend to cater towards that which is popular, and popularity is no more than a penile length measurement in online form — one reason why you shouldn’t trust readership as criteria in the first place, but I’ll get to that.
The minds of Critics, by nature, are never like standardized rulers, and so in trying to gauge the popularity and quality of a strip or artist they can never come up with a collective length which is to be trusted. Keeping this in mind, it’s not like reviewers measure a strip’s content at all, but that they try to measure the e-penis and report such frivolity back to the masses in order to gain the most amount of positive attention from the most amount of people. Thusly they only serve to fellate the engorged members of such hack artists as Scott Kurtz, Randy Milholland, Chris Crosby, and Aeire Doon.
This brings me to my next tidbit: there is no reason for the sophisticated reader to dull his palette on the tripe-comics of the masses. As any political election will show you, the will of the majority is almost never right, and it is the same with webcomics. Just because a pandering blowhard can steal $30,000 from his fans doesn’t mean that his (or her) comic is any good; it just means that he appeals to the lowest common denominator. The entire Modern Humor Authority staff would not trust the opinions of a single flab-gutted slacker on the net, much less a few thousand of them, and neither should you. They wouldn’t know a large e-dick if it bit them in the ass.
In the end, when you find it necessary to cut through the bullshit and the phalli, there is only one knife to suit your needs, and frankly, that’s people like us. We are the professionals; the men and woman dedicated to giving our readers the unadulterated truth. When it comes to popularity and readership, you can always trust our ruler to be of standard, unchanging units. We don’t buy into hype, or feel beholden to give verbal rimjobs to any artist.
At least I don’t.